I Must Fight the Good Fight

Okay, so last night I wrote a blog post about my day yesterday.  I woke up at 5 am this morning with anxious and suspicious thoughts.  "How dare I show my weakness?" is what came to mind.  "Everyone is going to judge you for writing that.  You failed in your first day on your fast from gaming.  How dare you complain?"  So I erased my blog post this morning.

How that stung and stung hard, and since it stung so hard, you know what I did?  I prayed.  I read.  I took action.  I fought off that nastiness with my friend, my savior, my Lord.
And you know what?  I'm going to post last nights blog post for all of you to judge me anyway.  You know why?  Because God knows my heart.  He knows I'm making an effort.  He knows and loves me for taking this step of faith and obedience.  He's blessing me.  I love you, God!  You are truly out for my best.

Here's my blog post from the first day of my fast:  I plan on keeping track of my growth everyday through this fast.  This is my journal.  Please be kind to me and let me grow.  I have much growth to do and I'm allowing you to witness that growth in hopes of God using it for His glory.  I'm rather open with my thoughts and struggles.  Sometimes it serves me and sometimes it causes me grief.  Either way, it's who I am.  I want to claim the victory and freedom to be who God created me to be.  I want to please God.   I want Him to smile down on me.  After all, it's what we were created for.

 

Day 1 of 40 Day Gaming Fast

Well, it's actually been a few days since I've played a game.  I quit some games on Friday and all other games yesterday.   So today, I think I'm on withdrawal.  At least for today I babysat and it distracted me for the day.  After the boys left me, I felt bored, and lost.  Shoot!  I can't even make it a day without feeling the loss.  I was cranky at dinner.  All I can say is, I feel like a jerk.
I'm going to have to find something to fill my time.  I can't read the bible all day.  Well, I guess I could... but really, I get too distracted for that kind of focus.  
Another thing that made me cranky was the fact that I read my Myers Briggs personality profile.  It seems to have me down to a "T", but I feel like it just cheapened who I am as a person.  It's like putting me in a neat little box for all to have wrapped up and understood.  I feel people are way more complicated than that and shouldn't be cheapened by the categorization.  What's funny is that I used to *love* reading those profiles.  Well, not anymore.

We read to the kids before putting the them down for the night.  My two favorite times in our household are dinner-time and bed-time.  Those are times when we are all together and together intentionally.  Intentionally interacting in each others lives.  I desire more moments like those in our day to day lives.

On another note:  I asked Bogie if he married me because I would be a great ministry project.  He looked at me with a puzzled/funny/sarcastic look and said, "No, I married you because I loved you and you loved me." *big smile on his face*
I told him, "Well, I feel like God has given me such a great gift in you.  I've learned so much about walking with Christ from our relationship and I feel like I've shown you nothing beneficial, just how to be more selfish."
You know what he said?  He said, "You've taught me how to be more open and to share feelings.  I used to be extremely private."
Thanks babe, that was edifying.  Praise God for the blessing today.  I needed it.